But Groupon can, apparently...
The air was sticky. To use the word humid wouldn't do it justice. It was sweltering and muggy and the only thing that kept me moving was good company and the promise of scratching one off of my bucket list. It was imminent. It was already written. I was destined to become a Guinness world record holder. We were on a mission from God!
The sun was setting slowly behind us as we walked east down Addison. The pace didn't matter as we covered the 1200 and 1100 blocks... sweating was inevitable. Our destination? Elwood's home address. 1060 W. Addison
 |
| Jake: 1060 W. Addison? That's Wrigley Field! |
It was Friday, July 6 (I know, I am a bit tardy writing this) and 31 years ago to the day, Jake and Elwood Blues graced the big screen with their presence via the talents of John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd, respectively. I'll save you the Blues Brothers history, but it is a great flick with great music, and if you really appreciate Chicago, you will most definitely appreciate this film.
So where am I going with this? Let me take you down memory lane....
Our good buddies over at Groupon decided to pay homage to the Blues Brothers film and set up a walk-in style theater at Wrigley Field for an anniversary showing. The bleachers and the outfield were the seating areas, and the concession stand in center field was open for some cold brews and traditional baseball eats.
 |
| Pretty nice setup |
Before entering, they had some cute props set up outside that they used in the film, and even some sleazy dudes dressed up like the brothers themselves trying to make a buck (although I dont believe Groupon was affiliated with them, but who knows... have you checked their ticker since last year?).
 |
| The Bluesmobile! |
Now here is where it all starts to get a little fuzzy.....
Somewhere between the gate and the bleachers, we parted ways so we could use the restroom. After we rendezvoused below the outfield bleachers and traversed the ramp to the designated seating areas, we received no instructions from any ushers regarding anything. As far as we assumed, we could sit wherever we wanted and wait for the movie. I was thinking the world record would be set as an intermission activity.
Matt and I left our beautiful ladies to hold down our seats while we grabbed some cold brews and waters to rehydrate and nourish our liquid-starved bodies from all of the excessive perspiration that our pores so eagerly distributed from within (isn't that a beautiful picture?).
 |
| this image is not cropped - numbers 128 and 131 were getting icy-cold beverages during this traitorous photo-op. |
During this time of absence, I was betrayed by the very woman with whom I share a home, a bed, a bathroom, and a son (a fur baby, of course..our kitty, Bowser... aka "B-man"). Apparently, unbeknownst to the thirsty men who were tending to the needs of their spouses, a random, mysterious voice came across the speakers in the stadium to share with us the four absolutely critical instructions everyone needed to know to be a world record holder. They were as follows:
(Spoken in a barely-audible, muffled voice.... which was actually inaudible to me and my comrade, Matt)
1. The timer will be starting any second. Wait, it is starting now. It just started. You are too late.2. You must have been given a number from a Groupon rep to designate that you are a participant.*My thoughts on this: WHAT?? I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE GROUPON REPS HELPING ANYONE! Perhaps I should have been looking for their inconspicuous, normal attire that had no bright colors or labels to indicate they were helpers. then maybe I would have known better!3. You must have your sunglasses on during the entire 10-minute countdown (hell, it could have been 20 minutes or 2 minutes, i never really found out the truth)4. Your shades will be confiscated, along with your designated number card if you do not continuously wear the sunglasses the whole time, and you will not be considered a record holder. And shame will be bestowed upon you and your family, and all generations thereafter. And you will be publicly humiliated. And tarred and feathered. And banished from society. You will be damned.
Keep in mind, we (Matt and I) still had no real clue what was going on. But as we returned to base camp with drinks in hand (and wallets empty - prices at the ballpark don't change just because its a movie), Abby and Em turn to us with their shades plastered to their domes and ask us
"Did you get your number? Why aren't you wearing your sunglasses? It started!!! Go get your number! You need a number!!"
*crickets*
We were dumbfounded. Before we knew what hit us, we were asking some "Poo-pon" staffers if we could get our numbers so we could have a seat and enjoy our beers while we crossed into the realm of glory and soar wear only eagles soar. The land of world record holders - after all, it was my destiny.
Much to our chagrin, we were notified that the record-setting was in progress and we were left behind. Abandoned. Standing there with my jaw on the beer-stained concrete of the Wrigley field bleachers, I felt like I was 9 years old again, watching the school bus pull away from the corner as i arrived at the stop just seconds too late. Ashamed, embarrassed and devastated.
 |
| This is not a pose. This is literally how we walked all the way home... |
My bucket list remains intact, including the item "Set a world record or be part of a world record". My dreams were stripped away from me, and who is there, holding them in my face? That's right. The Mrs.
At least Matt and I fell together. We were left behind, and we never really saw it coming.
As for Em.... well her story can be inferred from the following conversation she had during the shades-wearing countdown.
Em: "I can't see what's on my phone."
Abby: "Don't take your sunglasses off."
Em: *Removes Sunglasses
Abby: "Em, put them back on!"
Em: "I can't see my phone!"
Groupon lady (or Guinness lady?): *leans over railing from behind us "Ma'am, I am going to need your number card back, you are not wearing sunglasses."
Em: *looks confused "Do I have a lighter? You want a lighter?"
Lady: "I need your card back"
Em: *still confused "You need a lighter? You want our lighter?"
Lady & Abby: "Your card. Give it back. You took your sunglasses off."
Em: *Hands over card and still looks confused "What just happened?"
Abby: "HAHAHAHA" *Nonstop laughter and blatant disregard for the feelings of both her friends & husband... continues for extended period of time
And the rest, as they say, "is history."
